I was pissed off yesterday, like royally pissed off. Livid mad. Angry. Mad at myself. Mad for other people. I roared like a lion several times throughout the day to express my sheer irritation with myself.
The level of frustration I had was mostly directed at myself, and in the case, for a very good and warranted reason. I almost titled this post “Get Your Shit Together Tuesday!”, because this really what this post is about. Today it Tough Love Tuesday ( I am debating on whether I want this to be a recurrent theme for the blog. Hmm…), and I want to get down and dirty on this thing called adulthood. I want to talk about being a fit adult who makes logical, rational decisions despite what happens to be going on around them in the world.
First up, the back story of how I got infuriated with myself.
Sitting at a local pub late on Saturday night, a dude friend of mine points out to me that I am flirting with things I shouldn’t be. People. Places. Things. Knowing the rockiness of my own life, I made the excuse that I was still stuck, still not quite myself, still working through some of the murky waters day in and day out but much better than before.
“But I am allowed to do as I please.”
“Then why not go the extra mile? You have the ability to choose how you behave, who you associate with, what you want to do with your life. You’re an adult. This is on you, but you got this !”
I stare at the calendar on my phone and realize I am turning 30 in 20 days. I look around me and I see all my new friends, in a new atmosphere, with a new business line that I just launched a massive marketing campaign for in Greensburg. I literally have a new lease on life, yet still struggling with some last few things that are in my emotional way.
WHY THE FUCK AM I DOING BAD THINGS TO MYSELF?
And then it call came full circle when I left the area. The epiphany that hit my like a ton of bricks. The real, cold, hard truth for all that self-destructive thinking and behaving for nearly 2 years.
I am an adult, living a life where I am almost at the finish line of the last remnants of a bad depression, but I am still in need of finishing the race.
Dude friend is right, and I feel like I owe him a free kettlebell session for calling me out on my own shit. I have to keep choosing the right thing! Time to get mad at me and kick my own ass!
Anger, perhaps one of the greatest motivators for change. How you respond to criticism , be that from yourself or other people, will determine how you proceed for the better or for the worse. More so, how you respond to certain people, certain places, certain things that may have gone wrong in your life will determine your resilience, how well you succeed, and how you will rise above your own obstacles in life.
I cannot stress enough the importance of hiring professional help when you are in a bind. It was Sunday evening, and I made a phone call to my Spartan Coach seeking advice on adulthood in response to the constructive criticism from the night before.
“I have so many things that are working for good, but I am realizing I am still not quite myself just yet. I need a plan, a tough plan, but a plan that will hold me accountable as I do some more work with my therapist. I don’t want to fuck up everything that is working for me at this point. This is on me, I just need some fitness related help.”
Coach tells me to get 8-10 hours of sleep a night now matter what (fair! Chronic sleep deprivation has been my number one problem for the past 2 years). Coach says 30 burpees IN PUBLIC for every time I slip (I hate burpees with a passion. Deal!). Coach says something a bit more difficult, which is to remove myself from people, places, and things that are toxic to the mind, for the body will always follow where the mind leads. I have solid friends now, I really do (Seriously guys God bless you!), but there are some sad things on part of my family life that are truly too much for me to bear, and I am realizing I am not in the emotional position to take on more responsibilities. This one shall be hard, difficult, tough. But something must be done.
Here we go!
What are you doing to yourself that is sabotaging your own health goals? What thoughts, actions, behaviors are working against you? Most importantly, WHY are you getting in your own way Answering these questions honestly is imperative to your health. Reach out! Get help! Keep going! Pray!
Get mad at yourself if you have to, and use your anger as a positive motivator for change!
And if you’re the kind of person that responds to a big kick in the butt like me, grow the fuck up!
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